How Long?
I said I wanted to run away
I say that alot
I feel it, deep in my soul
the urge to run
I said I couldn't stand this place
you pointed out maybe it wasn't the place but me.
I know what you meant
you weren't saying that maybe I was dissatisfied in my life
nor that I felt stifled
though I am and I do
you meant maybe there's something wrong with me.
that maybe I cause the feelings I have
by my own actions
I know that too
but sometimes I think having a past with people means
they think they know who you are based on one or two dramatic events
and you begin becoming who they think is you
your ideas of me colored as a rainbow
by your own feelings
reactions to my disagreement of your opinion
how do you change who you are
when you're shoved into a mold of the old you
Maybe I'm not as bad as you think I am
and I'm not as good as I wish I could be
but not great shouldn't count as terrible
do you actually see me
or look around me?
am I substantial in your eyes
or just a vague mass
easily shaped
into what you want to call me at the moment of thought?
do you think about what you say to me?
or do you just lash out unthinking of consequences?
how long can I stretch myself
how long can I keep myself buried in your needs
how long do you expect me to let it all slide away?
maybe you only want to see for yourself
how long til I crack
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