Blah Blah Blah
So tired
wish I could just sleep forever
fade away
not have to see touch feel
anything anymore
wishing I could be numb
wishing I didn't hurt so much
wishing I didn't feel like crying any second
wishing there was no hole in me
or that it was filled with something more permanent than wishes
One side says if you don't care it can't hurt
One says that you can't stop the hurting without caring
which is it?
where do I keep going wrong?
don't wanna feel
but secretly inside I want someone who wants me
loves me
more than anything
sad huh?
and not for me
undeserving and inflexible I stand fast
alone in my field of rocks
waiting for mountains to arise out of dust
that day will never come
where is the breaking point?
when do people decide to sttle
or to stand alone?
can you ever be truly happy with what you've settled for
when all your dreams have always been of perfection
of something amazing
other people find it, I've seen them
not my mother, not my brother, not me
must be something in the personality I spose
or the strict requirements
or the not believing
or the inside
I just want that something amazing
is it really so ridiculous for me
to imagine that it could be?
to want it even as I know it's out of reach?
I don't want to just not be alone
I want to be necessary
and I'm not necessary anywhere
not to anyone
not at any of my jobs, not to my friends, not to my family
what the hell is the point?
feel like I could just drift away into starlight
wish it was possible
feel like running far away
but that leads to nowhere too
wish I could just be normal
and not insanely broken
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