That Moment
If I had a heart
if I could feel
more than just that moment of intense agony
maybe it wouldn't hurt so much for that moment
maybe it would all be easier
less traumatic
to lose the ones I love
but all I have is that moment
knowing you're leaving can't touch me
seeing you waste away doesn't hurt
no tears
no sadness
no feeling
but on the day you go I'll feel a wistful tug
and on the day we bury your empty shell
I'll cry like the howling storms
I'll feel the quicksand gnawing my soul
screaming for release from the dark
so cold
how cold I think I must be
to hold it all subconsciously for that one
luminous moment
where it bursts from me in spasms
nothing before
nothing after
only that one day
to spew my grief
how shallow and cold
and incapable of feeling
even as I twist it around to be about me
not your death
not their pain
but what's fundamentally wrong with my tainted soul
disgusting
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