Into Something Harder
I hate life today
strong words for such an apathetic day
I spose I care
but I just don't have the energy to
the sun is pounding harsh beams into my skull
the veil that kept my eyes from burning lost and gone
as the shroud that envelops my soul strengthens,
draws me closer
holds me in protective arms
hard to steer when you can't see either the forest or the trees
only glimmering waves of white heat
hard to take on faith when there is none to be found
Why do I struggle to break free?
Why when I know that in the end I will come to my senses
sink myself back into that space where I'm safe
Pull that shroud back around myself
The walls that I kept thinking were keeping me locked away were actually keeping me strong
keeping me safe
keeping me from my own folly
and it's good to remember that the walls don't keep me in
they keep you out
not my enemy but
my greatest ally
They catch the feelings that seep unguarded
toss them back
toss them away
hide them in that great stockpile of excess I really want no part of
Did I make the walls that way?
Or did they twist and tangle into something like the briar hedge?
Something to catch me up, skewer me
drain my blood and use it to reshape me
into something harder
something less feeling
a creature of it
thicker skin
larger eyes
spiny plated shell covering
still me, but harder
still me but lesser
more bad, less good
more is, less could
more need, less want
more knowing, less believing
still as foolish as ever in the weak part inside
still as soft and childishly wanting
why I build those walls so thick,
wrap the shroud so tight
I am only hiding the silly part from the light that will burn it
the world would only tear it to pieces
too vulnerable to survive
Sad to be so weak on the inside
to have to become so hard just to save that part
maybe it should have been left alone
to waste away
survival of the fittest always thwarted by interference
and it only weakens the whole
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