 |
There was a time where I could not even believe what happened. Sometimes I cannot even think about what would happen next if I thought about it even more and then...and then I have a nervous breakdown. I was confused, I was concerned about what what my future would be I just don't know I really don't know. Or at least I didn't know.
Until...
Trying to heal from a trauma isn't exactly easy I mean it is doable, but it takes time. For me I'm still going on this painful journey that's dubbed the realization of that I can't change the past. I can't change what he did, what he took, what he knew what was going on. I can't change the fact that I'm still scared of him, but I can change on how I react to it.
This is my painful story of me trying to get a grip on my depression, my anxiety. To control my PTSD and paranoia about him. If I don't then he will win more then my peace and safety-nay, he would win my sanity.
Sometimes though, it's hard to control how I feel or act. It's even harder with autism. Some people with autism have a hard time dealing with change. My attacker is still free, but I haven't given up. I wish he would go away, but what a world would that be if everything is easy?
There are times that I space out and remember. In those times I feel sad. Those were also the times that I was too scared to ask for help. I feared that I would be judged on my emotions. Slowly though, I allow others to help me and for me to ask others for help.
One day, I will no longer call myself a victim, but a survivor. It will take time and I will have setbacks, however, I know I can do it and achieve this goal of mine. All I have to do is believe in myself and never, ever let him scare me ever again. Alas, I still need work on coping with this troublesome event.
All I have to do is rely on others to help with my journey.To borrow hope from others. To ask someone that I need help. To use old and/or new coping skills and show others that I'm trying my best.
You can do it too. I believe in you.
|  |
